Quirks and Quarks
by Kayka
Summary: Aimlessly wandering through space was not on the top of Kagome's and Sesshoumaru's shared list of priorities. Drabble Series. *Dokuga Awards: Best Action Adventure, 1st quarter 2011 Nominee; Best Humor/Parody Nominee, 4th quarter 2010* ON INDEFINITE HIATUS.
1. Weather Arm

**Disclaimer:** I'm not currently in ownership of the Inuyasha franchise… or the HHGTTG franchise… or any franchise, actually.

**A/N**: I've had an idea for a drabble series I've had rattling around for a while. Drabbles will be written if and when I have inspiration and/or for contest entries.

Just to clarify, this story is set in the canon universe… obviously divergent, and we won't be seeing many of our canon characters for a while.

Vaguely inspired by the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. I've never read about Sesshoumaru and Kagome being shot off into space, so here's my attempt at being a unique snowflake. For the Lulz. Mostly mine.

**Episode 1: Weather Arm  


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"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be."

-Douglas Adams

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"Uh-oh… It slipped."

A niggling feeling, somewhere in the vicinity of his left elbow, warned Sesshoumaru that he had suffered this exact statement, from this exact girl, before. With a longsuffering sigh unbefitting of his station, Sesshoumaru queried, "What unwitting blunder have you committed this time, miko?"

Eager to absolve herself, Kagome commenced her tirade of, "We would not be in this situation if you hadn't asked for my assistance in examining this screaming metal death trap," which seamlessly melded into, "are you even listening, you insensitive jerk."

Sesshoumaru ignored her blusterings in light of an alarming, rapidly increasing whir. The girl shrieked, upheaved by the suddenly shaky conveyance. In an indisputably chivalrous move, he caught the flailing female and settled into a crouch close to the floor. The machine rapidly evened out, allowing Sesshoumaru to graciously dump the abruptly catatonic female.

Striding to the nearest window, Sesshoumaru's chest constricted upon the dawning realization of what his eyes beheld.

_They _had _flown_ into the _heavens_. _They _had _passed_ the moon. The Earth was rapidly dwindling in stature, silhouetted in front of the majesty of what could only be the sun. To borrow from his half-brother's lexicon, _they_ were royally _fucked_.

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Written for Dokuga_contest's weekly perfection.

**Prompt**: Chest  
**Word Count**: 200


	2. The Antithesis of Panic

**Disclaimer:** I'm not currently in ownership of the Inuyasha franchise… or the HHGTTG franchise… or any franchise, actually.****

**********Episode 2: The Antithesis of Panic**

**********

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"'I like the cover,' he said. ''Don't Panic.' It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day.'"

-HHGTTG, Chapter 5

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Tucked away in the far reaches of Kagome's backpack, lived what she termed her survival kit. Consisting of a few energy bars, emergency water bottles, and various items of medicinal origin, Kagome lamentably found herself fresh out of useful things such as astrophysics books or guides on exolinguistics.

At that instant, a book popped into existence and landed in the girl's lap with a soft thud. Gingerly lifting her boon with two-parts awe and three-parts suspicion, Kagome determined that it wasn't really a book at all, but rather, a device bearing strong resemblance to a book. In fact, she almost believed it was a book, except for the gentle thrum it exuded at her touch.

Inscribed in a language perfectly comprehensible to her eyes were the words, "Everything You Need to Know About the Universe and Several Things You Didn't, Volume One."

"Maybe the language barrier won't be so hard to surpass, after all," she ventured.

Kagome was free to peruse this newest development at her leisure, as Sesshoumaru had exhibited no signs of moving, or signs of life for that matter, since he had taken up his post in the observation bay some time earlier.

When poking the cover did not seem to immediately yield disastrous results, the miko opened the curious thing with little ceremony and began perusing a selection entitled, "How to Survive on 9100000 Dencharing Squills a Day."

Randomly, she wondered, _if Sesshoumaru had wanted such a resource, would it resemble a scroll instead?_ The book began to flow in and out of existence in her hands until it was replaced with the imagined scroll.

Unperturbed, Kagome shrugged and accepted the change as she unfurled the scroll. Soon thinking that the book form was easier to manage, the device shift back, once again a book.

"Make up your mind, you nitwit," danced affably across the page. Kagome gesticulated and muttered a few choice words, causing the text to shift to a section on rude gestures and where one could put them. Realizing the futility of arguing with a book that could quite possibly hold her fate in the balance, Kagome tossed the suddenly temperamental repository on top of her squashy yellow backpack.

Leaving the area to further explore the ship, she walked through a sighing doorway to find the very same book lying innocently upon a table of sorts. The smarmy little bastard was following her.

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Written for Dokuga_contest's weekly perfection drabble contest 109.

**Prompt: **Tuck**  
Word Count:** 400


	3. Essential EV1 Entry 1: A History

**Disclaimer:** I'm not currently in ownership of the Inuyasha franchise… or the HHGTTG franchise… or any franchise, actually.

**A/N:** This chapter diverts from our heroes' grand adventure in a style similar of HHGTTG. The next regular installment will be posted on Thursday.

**Essential EYNtKAtUaSTYD,V1 Entry 1: A History**

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"The _Guide_ is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate."

-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Chapter 6

* * *

Everything You Need to Know About the Universe and Several Things You Didn't, Version (Volume) 1, henceforth known as EV1, rose to the position of top repository of knowledge in the universe based upon magnificent pastry marketing strategies to the young and impressionable, and due to its capability to obtain illegal copies of various [removed by editor]. Within a single generation, it attained the monopoly on the then slim market for absolute universal repositories. It is also .76 Denovian crewts cheaper than its stilted major competitor: The Universal Encyclopedia, which contains only stuffy, esoteric blather.

The "Version" in the title was changed to "Volume" in the year 548693068 due to numerous versions being released with no change to the version number. There exists only one volume of EV1 due to the revolutionary infinite-intelligence nature of its storage and recall system.

As the number one repository of all knowledge, there exist no discrepancies within EV1. Ever. Any incongruence experienced is likely a result of fractured perception.

EV1 boasts working translations of every known language in the universe, including several only known to amoebae species and their earthling cousins. Its charming genuine personality modules ensure a unique experience for each individual user copy.

Article subject to verification by the editor. Don't worry, he'll never get to it because he's on holiday.

Further Reading:

Changing History: Methods for Mucking About Time by Deltrar ^892

The Universal Encyclopedia by the Better Space Bullocks Bureaucracy Inc. -Trust Me, It's Not Worth It- -EV1

Document End.

Enter User Search Function: |

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Theme: N/A

Words: 254


	4. Paradigm Chatter

**Disclaimer:** I'm not currently in ownership of the Inuyasha franchise… or the HHGTTG franchise… or any franchise, actually.

**A/N:** Aaaaand, We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story! …minus that last part.

**Episode 3: Paradigm Chatter**

**

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"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

-HHGTTG, Chapter 1

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Though reserved, Sesshoumaru was a demon of action. His predilection toward analyzing a situation and ensuring an outcome served only to amplify the impotence he currently felt.

The miko, it seemed, had been attempting to garner his attention for quite some time and, at some point, had been emboldened enough to lay her clawless finger upon his person in a series of soft jabs. Curiously, she seemed positively unfettered by the grim reality of their shared circumstance.

At his glance, she commenced babbling gibberish, from which he could only conclude that she had been farther removed from reality than he had previously assumed. Then again, his perception of reality and what was possible had been fundamentally altered in the past few hours.

At this point, it is important to note that if Sesshoumaru had checked Everything You Need to Know About the Universe and Several Things You Didn't, Volume One, he would have known that paradigm shifts occur every three minutes on average throughout the universe, and he would have also learned various coping strategies for this ultimately unremarkable experience.

As Sesshoumaru had not yet had the opportunity, he ignored the miko's previous queries in favor of his own dazed, "_How_?"

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**Prompt:** Ignore

**Word Count:** 200


	5. Willfully Obtuse

**Disclaimer: **A clever denial of ownership of Inuyasha and/or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

**A/N:** After a busy last few weeks, here is the next drabble. :0

**Episode 4: Willfully Obtuse**

**

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"OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, yeah?"

-Zaphod Beeblebrox

HHGTTG, Chapter 11

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"So, I want to preface this with the fact that I don't know _how_ exactly, but it starts with having a ship, like the one we're in, sealed away from the outside. And then, there's a magical fire that pushes the ship around," Kagome gesticulated enthusiastically.

After her arduous, albeit, bumbling explanation concerning both physics and magical forces, Sesshomaru continued to simply stare at her. Kagome knew the cogs in his sharp mind were turning.

Finally, after suffering the scrutinizing intensity of his gaze for what was assuredly centuries, Sesshoumaru poised himself to voice one last burning question.

"Is there any tea on this spaceship?"

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**Prompt:** Stare

**Word Count:** contest entry: 100 current entry: 105

**A/N… again:** Due credit goes to Douglas Adams for that last line; it was originally queried by Arthur Dent in chapter 16 of the HHGTTG. Though, I must admit that I think Sesshoumaru delivers it better. :p


	6. Button Catalysts

**Disclaimer: **A clever denial of ownership of Inuyasha and/or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

**Episode 5: Button Catalysts**

**

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The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.

Mostly Harmless, Chapter 12

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Engaging in a staring contest with the control panel, as he later learned it to be called, was likely not the most effective way to discern the purpose of the numerous buttons, switches, and other moveable parts for which he had no name. He was disinclined to do more than breathe over the panel lest it caused the ship to function undesirably, that is, explode. From the miko's ramblings, he gathered that it would be most inconvenient to exist outside of the vessel. Thus, he was left in his current predicament: to push, or not to push the pulsing red button? Such a cumbersome decision would be better made with his preferred beverage.

The human was presumably fetching his tea. At least, that's what she had been mumbling when she excused herself.

As if mere thought had summoned her, she popped onto the scene. Adorned head to toe in a seamless, formfitting, reflective, coal-colored garment, her ensemble was accented by a pair of ridiculous bobbing antennae secured to her cranium.

His tea was notably absent.

It was not often that the Demon Lord of the West was at a genuine loss for words. His silent nature tended to be in direct proportion to his position and antipathy toward most beings.

With mouth agape and widened eyes, he barely noticed the twitch of his hand, which happened to be resting upon a pulsing red button.

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**Prompt:** Twitch

**Word Count:** contest entry: 200 current entry: 234


	7. Vacuum Noise

**Disclaimer:** A clever denial of ownership of Inuyasha and/or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

**A/N:** Please bear with me for the next few weeks. I'm currently working on Christmas presents, which takes up most of my spare time. (As I'm a poor kid, all of my presents consist of paintings.) I'll try to still post at least once a week, but if I disappear for a week or so, (like I kinda just did) don't be alarmed. :P

**Episode 6: **Vacuum Noise

* * *

"For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."

-HHGTTG, Chapter 33

* * *

Sesshoumaru visibly paled, a feat, mind you, in realization as to what he had done. All of his contemplation and onerous planning regarding his strategy for testing the multitude of buttons was completely and utterly for naught.

He then became distinctly aware of two things. First, and foremost, he and the human were not currently suffocating amidst space debris. Secondly, the ship seemed to be visibly whirring to life around them. The once dim interior was gloriously alight. What he had presumed to be a window adjacent to the control panel began emitting numerous, awful keening sounds until it finally settled upon prattling cheerfully in intelligible Japanese.

Having no precedent for this, Sesshoumaru eyed the spectacle warily.

The ridiculously dressed miko diplomatically opted to converse with the machine, just as he had witnessed her jabbering to a bound scroll some hours earlier. Sesshoumaru surreptitiously inched toward the portal leading to other parts of the ship.

As the machine seemed to hold its own intelligence, the human began with their story and how they now sought a way back home. The machine offered no quick solution on how to return to Earth. Instead, it laid out their predetermined path and estimated time of arrival on some strange planet.

Ever effervescent, Kagome soon steered the conversation away from important matters to trivial pursuits. The machine seemed more than happy to talk. Incessantly. Without pause. He idly wondered how one could carry out half an hour's worth of mindless chatter with one's transportation.

In his ponderings, he became certain of two things. Firstly, the human was likely unstable, more so than he had previously thought. Secondly, he was surely dead, and this must be hell. Deigning that the conversation between human and machine would yield nothing more of merit, Sesshoumaru silently excused himself.

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**Prompt:** Merit

**Word Count:** 300


	8. Angular Meltdown

**Disclaimer: **A clever denial of ownership of Inuyasha and/or the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

**Episode 7: Angular Meltdown**

**

* * *

**"Life," he said, "is like a grapefruit."

"Er, how so?"

"Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside,

wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and

some people have half a one for breakfast."

-So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish, Chapter 23

* * *

She found him in the galley waging war with the appliances, that is, if wars could be carried out solely with glares whilst standing completely inert.

Incidentally, as EV1 would have it, the Golgothansof Extreynous did exactly that against their unfortunate opponents, the Cleaneties, in the _War of Unseemly Circumstance_. The war was short-lived; the Cleaneties surrendered in the first battle, the Battle of Waterpoo, which lasted approximately one hour when the Cleaneties could stand the stench of their opponents no more. Unfortunately, Sesshoumaru did not possess the necessary odiferous pungency to pull off such an affront, nor did any appliance in the galley possess the basic olfactory receptors to make such an angle of attack viable.

Without bothering to hide his distaste for the numerous gadgets surrounding him, Sesshoumaru acknowledged her with a terse request for his tea. It was not that she had forgotten his earlier request, but rather, she had simply become distracted when she came across her super cool, and totally amazing, jumpsuit. Though, truth be told, while it did wonders for her figure, she would probably have helmet hair for a week.

As luck would have it, Kagome was able to find a mostly full carton of tea bags in her trusty yellow pack. She scoured the room for containers approaching the functionality of a cup. In a mild fit of vexation caused by not being able to find said cup, a demon lord studiously ignoring her existence while continuing to intimidate furniture, and her new computerized friend apparently not offering any assistance in finding the object, she instead wished for one to appear.

A cup, unlike any she had ever seen, exploded into existence and clattered down onto the surface below. Plucking the cup from the countertop, Kagome was prepared to continue on with her task until a clawed hand grasping her wrist inhibited further progress. The opportunity to announce her annoyance was forestalled as the offending demon relinquished his grasp in favor of a pointed gesture.

"What magic is this?" Sesshoumaru inquired with suspicion.

"Um, I actually have no idea. It happened earlier, too," Kagome helpfully supplied.

Eyeing the apparently innocuous container distrustfully, but making no further action to prevent her task, Sesshoumaru whisked by her to resume his former position in the center of the room.

Kagome opened the device most likely to function as a microwave and pressed a random smattering of buttons to commence heating the water. Pressing the button to release the door to the device, it promptly exploded.

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**Prompt: **Angle

**Word Count: **contest: 400 actual:421


	9. Retrorooter

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I'm franchiseless. I should work on that.

**Episode 8: Retro-rooter

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"Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy."

-Life, the Universe, and Everything, Chapter 1

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For a small eternity, the only sensation Kagome felt was painfully bright. The searing pain was ripped away almost immediately, and she perplexedly, nauseatingly, found herself pulled backward. Not in space, but rather, through the inverse space of a minute. When time righted itself, the machine bore no evidence of the recent events.

Dimly, she was aware of the demon lord questioning the origin of the cup. He proceeded to lodge a formal complaint after an unacceptably long time had passed with no forthcoming answer. Of course, that is just a figure of speech, as a formal complaint would have been notarized and submitted three weeks prior to the infraction in triplicate.

Finally, she spoke.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru, do you want to learn to use the microwave? I think it would be _enlightening_."

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**Prompt:** Ripped

**Word Count:** contest: 100 actual: 132


	10. Scattered Focus

**Disclaimer**: Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I'm franchiseless. I should work on that.

**Episode 9: Scattered Focus

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"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed"

-Marvin, HHGTTG, Chapter 11

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Utter befuddlement was a state peculiar to one Sesshoumaru. However, since the commencement of this inadvertent journey some hours ago, the state of befuddlement seemed to be persisting with unsettling frequency. Confusion made him cranky.

The priestess's prank did not help matters. He idly noted that it would be unwise to take her lightly in the future. The subject of his thoughts soon sought to make amends for her streak of mischief.

Sniffing haughtily, he accepted the proffered beverage, recoiling after a single sip. Greenly, he announced, "Miko, it's _congealed_."

And thus concluded Sesshoumau's grand and noble quest for tea.

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**Prompt: **Prank

**Word Count:** 100


	11. Space of a Salesman

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I'm franchiseless. I should work on that.

**Episode 10: Space of a Salesman

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**"Eddies," said Ford, "in the space-time continuum."

"Ah," nodded Arthur, "is he? Is he?" He pushed his hands into the pocket of his dressing gown and looked knowledgeably into the distance.

"What?" said Ford.

"Er, who," said Arthur, "is Eddy, then, exactly?"

-Life, the Universe, and Everything, Chapter 2

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It was, as Kagome learned, difficult to determine the passage of time whilst aboard an alien spacecraft. After the most recent fiasco, Sesshoumaru had secluded himself and was pouring over the EV1 in effort to avoid future surprises. Thus, the miko found herself alone attempting to put together what she supposed would be lunch.

After consuming her fare, Kagome set off to carry Sesshoumaru his meal. As she reached the corridor containing the demon lord's current sanctuary, a curious thing happened.

Inexplicably, there seemed to be what could only be described as 'knocking' coming from the ship's hatch. After she spent a second in bewilderment, Sesshoumaru deigned to poke his head out into the corridor. Observing that the noise was not a bid for attention from the priestess, he strode away to investigate the mysterious banging. After a few more seconds spent in indecision, Kagome followed.

Opening the airlock merited much less fanfare than she anticipated. Their little bubble of atmosphere seemed bound to the ship and unable to escape into the suffocating vacuum of space.

The hatch retracted, and before them _swam_ the oddest cephalopod either had ever seen.

"Ai've Cahm tew sehl vahkewm kleener. Ver nais," It burbled.

"Um… Not today… Thank you." Kagome politely declined.

"Ohkae, nex taim?"

With that, the creature jetted off into the inky blackness, leaving the stunned priestess and inured demon lord.

"How did it even…?" Kagome's question hung.

"This one does not know; this Sesshoumaru has not yet perused the chapter regarding space-squid."

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**Prompt:** Lunch

**Word Count:** contest: 200 actual: 251


	12. Crowded Solitude

**Disclaimer: **Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**AN:** Imagine my surprise the other day when I realized that this was nominated in the "best humor/parody" category for the 4th quarter 2010 Dokuga Awards! Thank you readers! :B It makes me happy to know that this story at least occasionally hits a funny bone.

**Episode 11: Crowded Solitude

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"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

-Arthur Dent; HHGTTG, Chapter 9

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At six days, seven hours, eleven minutes, Kagome, tired of her sleeping bag, determined the sarcophagi she discovered must be beds. Settling herself inside one, she inadvertently activated cryogenic stasis mode.

Six days, seven hours, fifteen minutes, and fifty-one seconds into the journey, Sesshoumaru knew serenity.

Slowly, the absurd feeling of loneliness crept upon him.

Seven days, thirteen hours into the voyage, Sesshoumaru, with a deep breath and crisp nod to himself, did the unthinkable.

Seven days, thirteen hours, thirty-seven seconds into the trek, Kagome groggily watched the luminous angel stride away. The flying, pink elephant did little to improve her delirium.

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**Prompt:** Crisp

**Word Count:** contest: 100 actual: 102


	13. Entropy

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**Episode 12: Entropy**

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"There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine.

Now concentrate!"

-Zaphod Beeblebrox; The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Chapter 3

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It was the realization that the flying, pink elephant was not fading into the obscurity of non-existence that jarred Kagome fully into wakefulness.

As was typical of her recent luck, the ship's computer accordingly chimed in, "Entering odd space. Please be prepared for breeches in normality."

Glimpsing the bridge, she dully noted that her barely-passed high-school physics class had in no way prepared her for such utter disorder.

Kagome spied her traveling companion lounging amongst the chaos, leisurely perusing the EV1.

Making her way toward Sesshoumaru, Kagome accepted the proffered flyer from a many-armed butler while simultaneously dodging a brilliant play by a koshkanball team.

Reaching the demon, she managed to make out the passage he was currently reading moments before she found herself being _cuddled_ by the Western Lord.

[entry]

The EV1 has this to say about Odd Space:

Avoid.

[/entry]

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**Prompt:** n/a

**Word Count:** 142


	14. Displacement

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**AN:** I've been inexcusably lazy… and drawing is so much more instantly gratifying than writing. But towel day is coming up soon! And here we are.

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**Episode 13: Displacement**

"I don't believe it. Prove it to me, and I still won't believe it."

-Ford Prefect; Life the Universe and Everything, Chapter 12

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For Kagome, the moment rapidly stretched into awkward. The suddenly touchy-feely demon lord seemed disinclined to release the miko despite her less than subtle protests.

Maybe he'd finally cracked under the pressure of odd space? It would definitely be understandable. It was times like these that she missed her simple, harried, jewel shard hunting life in the Sengoku Jidai. And her friends. And _Earth_ in general.

How she wished Inuyasha were here. At least he had experience with the perpetual oddness of the future. Not that the future had much bearing on jaunts across the galaxy in the past.

"What the _fucking hell_?"

Wish granted.

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**Prompt: n/a**

**Word Count: 105**


	15. Running Interference

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**AN:** Ooh, two updates in as many days. We'll see how long this lasts. Don't get used to it. Oh, and I wanted to thank whomsoever nominated this story for best action adventure for the 1st quarter Dokuga Awards! c:

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**Episode 14: Running Interference**

"Funny," he intoned funereally, "how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does."

-Marvin; HHGTTG, Chapter 13

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Contrary to popular belief, Sesshoumaru had not gone batty. In his research, he discovered that direct contact between inhabitants of a ship prevented victims of odd space from fluttering out with the randomness. Though he rightly questioned the credulity of anything contained within the irascible EV1, he would rather not take undue chances of getting more lost than he already was.

The countenance of the half-breed, however, did not filter in and out of existence. Therefore, the half-breed was actually _there_. This was corroborated by the multitude of obscenities and nigh compulsive reach for Tessaiga. While a level of civility had been forged between himself and his erstwhile enemy, Sesshoumaru did not want to contemplate his brother's prolonged intrusion in the already indefinite journey. The priestess was bad enough.

Said priestess resembled a gaping fish, muttering, "I didn't mean it! Oh, Inuyasha!" Followed by, "Well, if that worked, I wish we were home!"

The ship lurched.

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**Prompt: **n/a

**Word Count: **156


	16. Neutrality

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**Episode 15: Neutrality**

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"For a moment or two the old man didn't reply. He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in his head while his house is burning down."

-Life, the Universe, and Everything, Chapter 4

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Unfortunately for Kagome, her travels through space did not mirror Dorothy's adventure in Oz.

"So, that's what's going on. We're trying to get home, but I'm pretty sure we're still going the wrong way."

After the momentary jolt of leaving Odd Space behind, Kagome did her best to bring Inuyasha up to speed. Sesshoumaru, reverting to perpetually unhelpful mode, had stalked off to sulk over his brother's appearance.

Inuyasha really was taking the situation extraordinarily well; only his right eyebrow was twitching. Before he had the opportunity to work himself into full tirade mode, the computer had a potentially wonderful announcement to make.

"Approaching Switzerland."

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**Prompt:** n/a

**Word Count: **105


	17. Essential EV1, Entry 46: Probability

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**Essential EYNtKAtUaSTYD,V1 Entry 46: Probability**

* * *

"Anything that happens, happens.  
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.  
Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.  
It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though."

-Mostly Harmless, Preface

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The accepted model of the universe, created by a child and agreed upon by numerous physicists, consists of a giant roulette table, a shell game, and a yo-yo. Due to the nature of this model, every possible action, reaction, and interaction is governed under the laws of probability. Under these laws, anything that _can_ happen, _will_ happen eventually.

Usually to unwitting heroes with a strong sense of independence and a bad case of free will.

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**Prompt: **n/a

**Word Count: **75


	18. Gears

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**Episode 16: Gears**

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"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space..."

-HHGTTG, Chapter 8

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[Entry]

The planet of Switzerland has little in common with the tiny earth country of the same name, excepting the inhabitants' annoying penchant for neutrality and tendency to produce finely crafted watches. As such, the planet has suffered no internal or external skirmish for several millennia. The Swiss, therefore, are an acerbically genial people with an assortment of repressed anger issues.

[/Entry]

Perusing the sub-sections on "Switzerland" a bit further provided Sesshoumaru with a wealth of information on the ship's current destination. A dangerous gleam graced the demon lord's eyes.

Half a ship away, unawares to a budding nefarious plot, Kagome's 'Oh shit.' senses were tingling.

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**Prompt:** n/a

**Word Count: **106


	19. Translation

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha is not mine. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is not mine. I just amuse myself by poking characters.

**A/N:** Happy Towel Day! Er… what's left of it. :D

**Episode 17: Translation**

* * *

"He wouldn't need them where he was going. Everything was ready, everything was prepared.

He knew where his towel was."

-HHGTTG, Chapter 3

* * *

Our three heroes teetered on the threshold of destiny. Or, rather, several feel away from the ship's hatch.

Kagome gripped her backpack's straps in anticipation. _Hopefully they'll be able to send us home… if they're friendly that is._ She refused to consider the alternative; she was reasonably sure that dying on an alien planet would severely hamper her life's goals.

The moment of revealing themselves to the people of Switzerland came and went. Sesshoumaru gracefully strode down the ship's ramp to acknowledge the gathered crowd. Kagome followed suit. Halfway down, however, something went terribly, horribly wrong.

The ramp was suddenly slick, and Kagome couldn't help it. She _slipped_.

Inuyasha, in effort to aid the falling priestess, reached out to grab her pack. The resulting sprawl was quite impressive: a much beleaguered priestess, the assortment of goods from her backpack, and one Inuyasha left holding a conspicuously pink towel.

Within the span of a second, the Swiss' demeanor changed, and the half-demon was surrounded.

Inuyasha had just declared war.

* * *

**Prompt: **n/a

**Word Count: **168


	20. Limbo Intricacies

**A/N:** So. It's been a long while on this one. I kind of suck at life. c:

* * *

**Episode 18: Limbo Intricacies**

The story so far: In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Chapter 1

* * *

Fortunately for the half-breed, all of the customs of war, including the limbo competition and food eating contest, were to be upheld. Unfortunately, such customs were largely misremembered or unknown and Inuyasha was relegated to a holding cell, a truly generous term as it was in actuality the lavatory of the closest restaurant, while scholars poured through the archives to garner the specifics.

Sesshoumaru diplomatically took this time to negotiate Inuyasha's release in addition to fuel and ration restocking with the Swiss via means that Kagome neither understood nor really cared to. All she knew was that he managed to secure his requests as well as gain valuable insight into their ship's ultimate destination.

A short eternity later, the demon lord guided the priestess up the ramp of the ship by the crook of her arm, pausing only once when they were interrupted by a shrill, "No! Not again!" as Kagome inadvertently squashed a member of the local fauna under toe.

It was only when the supplies were delivered and the hatch door whirred closed with a click of finality that Kagome realized.

"Sesshoumaru! What exactly do you think you're doing?"

And then, they were airborne.

* * *

**Word Count:** 197


	21. Kneebiter

**Episode 19: Kneebiter**

* * *

"Arthur Philip Dent?" pursued the alien in a kind of efficient yap.  
"Er...er...yes...er...er," confirmed Arthur.  
"You're a jerk," repeated the alien, "a complete arsehole."  
"Er..."  
The creature nodded to itself, made a peculiar alien tick on its clipboard and turned briskly back towards the ship.

Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged and Arthur Dent; Life, the Universe, and Everything, Chapter 1

* * *

The miko was _seething_. This fact was plainly revealed to Sesshoumaru as the normally incorrigible chatterbox refused to speak to him. It was further made apparent when she attempted to kill him with the force of her glare and mind power alone.

The latter was unduly humorous.

The first three times it occurred.

"Miko."

Evidently, that single word was enough to spur said miko into a torrent of accusations ranging from his apparently questionable lineage-

"_Miko_."

-to his testicular fortitude.

"_Kagome_."

"What?"

"We shall return for the half-breed after the ship has run its course, unless you are capable of summoning him in the same manner as previous."

The girl's eyes grew round, as a barely discernable, "oh," escaped her lips.

_Excellent. _He had given her _an idea. _

_Just what the universe needs._

* * *

**Word Count:** 133


	22. Odd Plotting

**Episode 20: Odd Plotting**

* * *

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Chapter 18

* * *

_Of course_.

It was _obvious_. The only reason she didn't think of it first was due to her outrage at Sesshoumaru's behavior. And trying to blow up his head with her mind.

It wasn't like he didn't totally deserve it.

Too bad it didn't work.

Coming out of her reverie, Kagome managed to prise the EV1 from a reluctant demon lord and began planning "Misson: Rescue Inuyasha" in earnest.

Several hours and one dubious dog demon later, Kagome was prepared to set her plan into motion.

"Odd space, here we come!"

It really was a pity about Sesshoumaru's tea; her coffee was absolutely wonderful.

* * *

**Word Count:** 104


	23. Curious Caffeination

**A/N: **Happy Towel Day!

* * *

**Episode 21: Curious Caffeination**

* * *

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Chapter 3

* * *

The priestess had transformed into a minute tempest of energy, so much so that keeping track of her should have been a moderately exhausting endeavor. It was fortunate that her path unerringly went between the 'kitchen,' the 'control panel,' and back again.

It was on her fourth circuit from the 'kitchen' that Sesshoumaru decided to intercept the girl in attempt to decipher her actions.

Before the demon lord could pose any such query, Kagome thrust a steaming, black beverage out to him, offering an even-more-rapid-fire-than-usual explanation.

"It's coffee. People drink it in place of tea sometimes where I'm from. Try it! It's good!"

Tentatively he tasted it; it was hot and pleasantly bitter, yet, though he had never encountered the drink before, something tasted _off_.

And then, as affairs are wont to do whilst aboard a spacecraft of foreign origin, things went terribly, horribly wrong.

* * *

**Word Count:** 150


	24. The Half Reacquisition

**A/N: **Happy Towel Day, a second time! I'll just leave this here. :D

* * *

**Episode 22: The Half Reacquisition**

* * *

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Chapter 15

* * *

Kagome had never really paid attention to it before, but Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands and Leaver of Little Brothers on Strange Alien Planets, was _pretty_.

Like, obnoxiously so.

Especially his eyes.

Before the girl could fully appreciate what she was doing, she found herself leaning in to inspect them further.

And then _somehow_, she was kissing said demon lord senseless, and _he_ was _kissing back._

Dimly, Kagome noted the computer's announcement of 'Entering Odd Space,' in addition to a line of pillows and mattresses conga-ing past.

'Oh, no! I'm supposed to wish Inuyasha back,' was the last coherent thought the miko had as Sesshoumaru, in shifting down to the column of her neck, had apparently noted her thoughts wavering and decided to regain her full attention using _tongue _and _teeth_.

The moment was naturally and abruptly broken by the indignant screech of a half-dog demon, who took the opportunity to invent several new curses and utilized a plethora of old favorites. The basic gist of the outburst was this: If _that _is what you two were planning on doing, I had rather you left me with my new poker buddies and my lifetime supply of ice-cream.

* * *

**Word Count:** 198


	25. Directed Wanderings

**A/N: ****Happy ****Thursday!**

* * *

**Episode 23: Directed Wanderings**

* * *

"This must be Thursday," said Arthur musing to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Chapter 2

* * *

Under other circumstances, reprobation from Inuyasha might have been mildly amusing. Sesshoumaru's thoughts wandered as the ship proclaimed 'normality' had been restored.

There could be little further from the truth.

The atmosphere buzzed around his head. The air _itself _glittered. He removed himself from the girl in effort to set his perception to rights.

Sesshoumaru's suspicions proved correct; there _was _something terribly off about that coffee substance.

Apparently in the time he was able to break away, the half-breed managed to catch his breath and resumed his harangue.

The priestess could handle the boy. That was, assuming she was not still under the influence of that vile substance. He ignored the twinge in his gut and slipped away before he could be missed.

Sesshoumaru knew what he had to do.

* * *

**Word Count:** 130


	26. Wronging Rights

**Episode 24: Wronging Rights**

* * *

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

-Ford Prefect, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Chapter 2

* * *

Kagome waved her hand in front of the demon's face.

"Hellooo. Earth to Sesshoumaru." She chose to ignore the incongruence of that statement.

Maybe showing him the time-machine-not-microwave had not been the brightest idea. It was supposed to be _funny_, but instead, she ended up with a catatonic dog demon.

Suddenly his gaze flickered to her, and the miko was pinned by the shoulders to the nearest vertical, flat surface before she could celebrate the fact that she had not, in fact, broken Sesshoumaru.

"Under _no_ circumstances are you to summon Inuyasha to this conveyance."

Before she could utter more than a befuddled 'huh,' she was released, and the mercurial demon lord ducked out the door.

Kagome glanced at the counter, and her mood shifted from bewildered to annoyed. _'The jerk didn't even wait long enough to try his tea!'_ Her mood suddenly lifted when she spied a container she had not noticed before.

"Hey, is that coffee?"

* * *

**Word Count:** 158


	27. Essential EV1, Entry 748: Time Travel

**Essential EYNtKAtUaSTYD,V1 Entry 748: Time Travel**

* * *

Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didn't know you had a twin brother or sister.

Mostly Harmless, Chapter 15

* * *

**[return to previous page]**

therefore not recommended due to the likelihood of producing paradoxical effects.

Only one ship to date has been equipped with patented time technology. It recently went missing when the corporate CEO took an inebriated joy ride through the uncharted backwaters of a particularly mal-developed, plucky quadrant of the Milky Way galaxy.*

Furthermore, the Templarians of |W(*$&(^%$*# $)8$* # )(!&

The remainder article contains sensitive information and has been truncated by the Genteel Overlords of Moyrswdg. Please verify you credentials to continue. |

*An apparently dangerous past time. Not recommended.

Further reading:

Changing History: Methods for Mucking About Time by Deltrar ^892

Time Is Totally Linear by Git Bent

What Templarians? We went back in time and fixed that fiasco but we aren't telling you how we did it. Seriously, don't ask. by the Genteel Overlords of Moyrswdg

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

On how to escape an infinite loop please see page 32485069…

Ad infinitum

/entry

* * *

**Word Count:** 207… ish


	28. Engaging Paradoxes

**Episode 25: Engaging Paradoxes**

* * *

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

-Mostly Harmless, Chapter 16

* * *

The first time he was inexorably compelled to end up in the exact situation he aimed to avoid, Sesshoumaru tried again.

The second time it happened, he realized that he must have been doing something wrong.

The third time it happened, Sesshoumaru gave up and sat sullenly as Inuyasha listed his grievances, real and imagined.

It would seem that despite his best efforts, the result remained the same. That, of course, did not deter the demon lord from attempting to alter any and all variables.

The thirteenth time, he managed to tackle the half-breed and lock him in one of the coffin-like sleep chambers before the boy managed more than his initial complaint.

Really, had he thought of that in the first place, Sesshoumaru could have saved himself a great deal of trouble and a significant amount of time.

The repeated kisses from the miko were, however, _intriguing_.

* * *

**Word Count:** 148


End file.
